Alyssa's Quotes
"I'm witteraly Cinderella "
“Blond Jesus.”
“He’s like a little more cooked version of Ryan Gosling.”
"Tight like a booth hole."
"I'm gonna punch you so hard I'll give you free bottom surgery"
"Why she look so crustyyyyy?"
"I think my heart dropped down to my butthole."
"I'm eating cheese tendons."
"Iron Man can't mess with me....he's dead."
"Tastes like yummy sand."
"I'll freeze Captain America style. You'll have to thaw me out like Mariah Carrie on Christmas."
"I'll take a hot criminal. I mean, how hot we talkin'?" *Brushes hair behind ear*
"You are an air poop."
"Oh my butt burped-oopsies."
*Says elegantly,* "Not enough sluttage for me."
"I needed more man boob. There wasn't enough."
"I'm not there to defend myself and this is what happens. I'm not special Ed, my name isn't Ed!"
"Don't think about God naked. It will make you drop your sandwich. Speaking from experience."
"Oh nice personality you have there. Yoink. It's mine now."
"Thought there was a bug but it's your hair."
"Yer a dusty bitch."
"I just look up, and you're staring at me like you're about to ask if I have Fortnite on my phone."
*While laughing,* "I have tears in my eyeballs."
"Footless socks."
"Cockuette core."
"Get you a man who let you stack donuts on it."
"From the crease of my booTay cheeks, an air poop slipped."
"I'm gonna jump off a moving building."
"I'm gonna jump into a bridge."
"I'm gonna take my lemonade and leave."
"I want a honey bun. I really want a honey bun."
"I'm looking at this like I'm actually good at writing."
“ruh roh raggy..i rucked up”
“Bitch I stole yo bread! hahahA!”
“Mullets are wrong, even in toilet paper.”
“I got off-brand autism.”
“Would you like some ass In your water?”
“Jesus she’s speeding! Calm down whore, I’m trying to follow you!”
“You look like a women. Unwomefy yourself.”
“I support my gay boyfriend.”
“Reagan’s grandma is Queen Elizabeth confirmed.”
“Chronic Dookie.”
“I see where the homophobia comes from guys. It’s Jojo Siwa.”
“You know, in times of panic sometimes you need to nae nae.”
“Excuse me my dearest wench, let me pass.”
“Oh that’s cute. It’s giving toddler that just pooped their diaper.”
“Sorry, i didn’t mean to knee your weinus.”
“YOU DO NOT LIE IN FRONT OF THE LORD, REAGAN!”
“tHE OWNER OF CHICK-FIL-A BROKE MY DOOR HANDLE!”
”I am afraid of human anatomy.”
“Sometimes you gotta resort back to being a kid to eat.”
“Sorry Derrick, I’m a lesbian now.”
“I’m currently expelling waste from my butt.”
“It’s wobbly wooblin and it’s woobly wobblin.”
“Reagan, I think your dogs a lesbian.”
“He’s got that ass boogers.”
"What's down there? Oh death!"
“I would rather be broke than be there.”
“Whew! It is as hot as the devil’s left nut sack out here!”
“THAT’S HOW I KNOW YOU WERE RAISED IN A SHITTY FAMILY, YOU CAN’T PLAY SLUGBUG RIGHT!!!”
(In sing-song voice to Lauren)”Your parents suuuuck.”
“ALL NUTSACKS ARE EQUAL!!”
“Shut up, I’m literally autistic. How was i supposed to know that when she said don’t go into the light she didn’t mean swerve into a car?”
(in a very southern accent)“I respect the swamp life.”
“Sigh my life sucks… I wish I could suck”
“you stole my will to live?? hoe give it back “
“I’m a slut for Starbucks.”
“ what part of sending jennifer coolidge singing hot to go makes me autistic”
“GIRL, I CHANGED MY PFP TO FIONNA FROM FIONNA AND CAKE EARLIER AND DERRICK JUST CHANGED HIS PFP TO CAKE WITHOUT TELLING ME. I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN.”
“I’m putting mustard on your meat.”
*burps* " that was gerald"
*bradon places hand on Alyssas shoulder* "Don't comfort me, your the problem"
*In a whisper,* “Stop blowing my hole.”
*to bradon* "You just got tee-hee'd, what you gonna do about it?"
“It didn’t mean that you needed to smell my tit.”
“megan b? more like you should be megan me a sandwich get back in the kitchen”
“We’re supposed to be on a date and your flirting with our manager”
"I've been willy wonkafied"
“Ow…I got flashed by an alien.”
“They probed my retina instead of my rectum. They got it confused.”
“He hotboxed himself in the closet.”
“Oh yeah! Dick measuring party!”
“I witnessed it. Double cooked. Jesus witnessed it too. TRIPLE cooked.”
"At least when I'm the problem, I'm self aware"
“I’M THE VICTIM HERE. IM BEING THROWN AROUND LIKE A WHORE. IM NOT A WHORE. I’m a committed hoe.”
“Just wanna tickle your uvula with my tongue.”
*Reads her own quote before this one* “That’s disgusting I love it.”
“You’re undressing the mango.”
“When things get hard, so do we.”
“We’re all technically fart suckers because we have to suck in the fartimaculois particles in the oxygen.”
“What was it that we breathe out? nItROgEn?”
“You know…there’s a certain amount of—of carbondickside…whatever it is—“
“What if our farts are like drugs to aliens?”
“How are we supposed to transform earth into a spaceship if it’s a circle?”
“You may have put your alien sperm in my brain but I WILL NOT let you reproduce.”
*Talking to Derrick,* “Do you think you like white women because it reminds you of your cotton-picking roots?”
“Clean up on isle my pants…”
“I swear he’s gonna get his ass beat if he keeps dodging me. Gonna beat him up.”
“I don’t hate gay people. I WAS gay people.”
“Stop giving my friend AIDS….”
“Get stickered, you cunt!”
“You’re old and probably horny…c’mere.”
“Alright, I’m gonna exploit my followers now.”
“Why is your only trait lust…? You’re real for that.”
“I don’t have room for UGLY people in my cult….”
*Shivers,* “My spine has been violated.”
“He don’t want your dry pussy…put it away.”